Quote:
Originally Posted by Killermoose  Looking good! Just one thing that might need changing:
'Surprised at his commander kneeling on the cold tile of the floor, the chaplain stepped toward the huddle on the floor. Having seen the distressed Uriah on the floor, a wave of understanding and suffering rippled across Krath’s face as he realized what had happened.'
Too much use of the word floor there for my liking, perhaps you could find another word in its place.
Great job! |
I would agree: great job! Instead of floor, you could say
'Surprised to see his commander on one knee
("on the floor" would be implied), the chaplain stepped toward the huddle on the floor. Having seen the distressed Uriah at the feet of the gathered Space Marines, a wave of undertanding and suffering rippled across Krath's face as he realized what had happened.' Keep it coming!
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