Very good except for the "floating around looking for vengence" part. I little too apathetic for space marines I think. Maybe if you talk about the Inquisitor that declared them excommunicatus. Something like because he is a corrupt inquisitor he would have to cover his tracks and he has locked himself on a fortress system and so it would take the Space Marines considerable effort to exact their vengance. All the while they have to protect the system and avoid anyone else stealing their chance of retribution. That way you can fight other races.
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