It was pretty good. Some critical points though. Sanguinius had prescience and new that he was going to die so the part where he thinks about returning to the surface is strange, unless you want to chalk it up to delirium. The word tantrum didn't sit well with me. It just seemed to deviate from the style. Also I think there was a slight over use of pronouns. Everyone down to Caesar was referred to as "he" and it became slightly confusing. Maybe write in first person. I enjoyed it though.
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"Only the insane have strength enough to prosper, only those that prosper may truly judge what is sane."
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