Quote:
Originally Posted by JoeGuardsman  It was pretty good. Some critical points though. Sanguinius had prescience and new that he was going to die so the part where he thinks about returning to the surface is strange, unless you want to chalk it up to delirium. The word tantrum didn't sit well with me. It just seemed to deviate from the style. Also I think there was a slight over use of pronouns. Everyone down to Caesar was referred to as "he" and it became slightly confusing. Maybe write in first person. I enjoyed it though. |
Thanks. I'm tryign to clear up the pronoun bit. However, I want it to be as if it was from Sanguinius own mind, but in third person... It's an odd view point, but if I can clear it up a bit I think it will work. That way, the reader is followng Sanguinius step by step, but is also removed by the use of a non-first person.
I hadn't thought of the prescience bit being a bugger, but I like the idea of delirium and might try to make that work in more! Thanks!