Quote:
Originally Posted by Dan296  very cool!
couple things though:
"Let loose the howl from countenance with rage fouled,"
his rage isnt fouled, its....never ending? should be UNfouled IMO
''And spill the hot blood of your enemies, whether friend or foe''
you have a double entendre right there. you say enemies, then wether friend or foe. you alread established that 'they' are enemeis. maybe replace it with 'And spill the hot blood on the ground, whether friend or foe'
otherwise, very cool. |
Actually Dan.... He's not talking, if you read it fluidly... The line reads that his countenance is fouled by rage.. The 'foul' descriptor is applying to his countenance, not the rage itself. At least, that is how I read it, and it's actually quite fitting that way.