its good erus, though with the STC and the reference to Kasrkin you are in danger of encroaching too much with 'dogma' fluff.
the STC in particular is too important just to be referenced by you alone. my suggestion would be to say that perhaps it is currently indecipherable but it either 'appears' to be a devastating weapon, or a way to find the true STC that does.
the roman element whilst nice and clean cut doesn't represent the style you are going for to me. i would consider changing this slightly - may be an idea to look to how Industrial Revolution factories were run as companies and scale it up.
also i beleive that the phoenician reference comes from persia, not europe so you may be better altering this (away from your damned Emperors Children obsession!
)