40K Commercials

[Cagarner]

After listening to the warhammer radio podcasts, I thought it wold be funny to think up some more. Aybody got any ideas?

[IVSothicIV]

Going off my avatar, Khorne Flakes.......The cereal thats better than cheerios.....

[Torquemada Coteaz]

a bit ripped this one... ok more than a bit, but here it is xD (my own ideas are in there :O):
"
The Leman Russ. Built Ram Tough.
It's anything but cute; the bold styling, crossover design, innovative features and affordable power of the fourty-thousand-and-two-fifty-one Leman Russ offers Imperial ATTITUDE packed with capability, versatility and energy efficiency. The Russ is an all new mid-sized sports utility battle tank whose bold and agressive styling matches its dynamic performance. Rugged, Durable, Powerful. Looking for a bold in-your-face battle tank? Looking for rugged performance and all-out power? Then choose a Leman Russ today.
"


then i can't think up one of those fast-talking disclaimers ("each set sold separately" kind of thing) that goes after last line

[NearSightedFarseer]

hmm...how about this..
Tired in the morning? try slaaneshi stimutax, distilled from the imperium's finest planetary populations, straight to your cup!
Our stimutax will prepare you for a day of death, destruction, and glory.
Are you ready?

[Rogue_Banana]

urrggghhh...the words 'commercial' 'slaanesh' and 'are you ready' just made me think about a different kind of commercial.

Enough about that.

I'm thinkin one of those infomercials for demonic wargear.
"I just know you're going to love the Manreaper. But wait! If you order in the next 7 minutes, we'll include a cookbook describing 1,001 to flay human souls FOR FREE. But thats not all, we'll also include possesion from a daemon of Nurgle at no additional charge! Even if you don't like the manreaper, send it back in our pre-paid envelope and get all your money returned to you the next day. But keep the cookbook and daemonic possesion as our gift to you. just call 7-777-7777 and let those worshippers of the Corpse God fry!"

[MSguardsmen]

wouldnt the phone number 9-999-999. as 9/3=3 being three a holy number to nurgle? and with all the 3*3=9 it be like a super symbol of nurgle

[Torquemada Coteaz]

1-666-Eat-Soul

'Hey there! Are you tired of that white, puny flashlight? Tired of feeling so singled out and put upon? Tired of not having someone to sleep beside, and not feeling like living everyday life? Then join the Imperial Guard! Today. Call 1-800-MEA-TSHLD. Thats 1-800-MEA-TSHLD.'

[Azalar]

Have you got a Stomach for the Job?
Like eating everything and digesting it into your culture?
Sick of then Bugs doing YOUR Job?
Well, Join the Kroot Today, We fight for anyone, Bar then 'Nids.
If your Intrested, And your a Kroot, Dial 0800-Im-A-Kroot Today, For your free Kroot Rifle.

Can you move things with your mind?
Can you Send messages over long distances?
Dial 0800-Im-A-Psyker
And one of our Inqusitors will be straight with some Grey Knights.

Hi, and welcome to the Fire Caste.
We here at the Fire Caste offer Friendly and affordable Weapons for Battles againts The Empires Enemies.
All you need to do, is have fingers, and like the Greater Good.

[NearSightedFarseer]

Tired of your daily routine? Want to expand your horizons?
Now your chance to explore the eye ot terror on the "chaos princess", our luxury planet killer. See celebraties such as Perturabo, Angorn, Magnus, and many others.
So prepare for a soul searingly fun trip through the immaterium and, if you sign up now, you'll recieve a daemonic mutation free of charge!

[MSguardsmen]

You will join and you will fight for the Emperor. It is your duty. It is your desire. IT MUST BE DONE! JOIN THE IMPERIAL GUARD FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT! FIGHT FOR THE IMPERIUM! FIGHT FOR THE EMPEROR!