holiday fun from winterpeg

[experiment 626]

this comes crae of the crazy lads out at our store in winterpeg manitoba!

Subject: Holiday Cheer.... the 40k way


Transmisson Code: 402795-084905
Thought of the Day: The Emperor sees all.

My Inquisitor Lords.

The following is a report upon the recent Heretical Cult activity found upon Cringlus 4.
The cult is believed to have begun on the planet some decades ago, infiltrating the whole of society; its blatant heretical activities are believed to begin roughly on standard terra time of the First day of the Twelfth month. During a period of 24 days the cult’s activities will increase till a full blown heretical festival is held upon the 25 of said month.
My investigation leads to discover over the 24 day period the following activities most frequently engaged in by Cringlus’ population:

*Offensive and clearly heretical Symbols being daubed across dwellings including: Glowing Light’s, Animalistic Idols, Heretical Versions of Cherubim (proving the infiltration of the machaicus adepts of the planet), Blasphemous prayer sounding objects, and large amounts of metallic strips. Also should be noted the increased amount of decorated foliage with dwellings.

* The passing of cards believed to contain coded messages of a heretical nature, my contacts with the mechanicus have yet to break this code. However, the sheer scale of messages passed does prove that this cult have become highly organised

* The singing of blasphemous song’s in the streets as well as similar songs being played of imperial vox casters. The Wide spread and open display clear proving the whole populations guild, and rejection of our beloved emperor

* The increased consumption of Alcohol of various Imperial grades.

* The purchasing and Exchanging of items, all of which are first wrapped in paper covered with what is clearly cult markings.

* The building of imitation citizens from snow, which my studies have lead to believe may be this populations interpretations of daemons.

* Open flouting of imperial doctrines, including time allowed off for imperial soldiers to “spend quality time with loved ones”

If the above list was not damning enough for these renegades, what’s more alarming is the Festival day itself, along with increased vocal reproduction of the blasphemous songs mentioned above, other activities include consumption of large amounts of food and drink, time spent together by large numbers of people (probably for other nefarious cult activities) and the finding of gifts from a daemonic patron for young ones (see below.)

The Population seem to have attached a specific creature not within prescribed standards of the standard imperial cult. Originally I believed due to the gluttony and sloth of the feast day that the population was under the sway of the Daemon god Slannesh, however, there patron daemon holds non of the standard Slanneshi Markings. Instead it consist of a large obese creature, somewhat human in appearance, wearing mostly red, pulled on device by 9 unknown creature that my findings assure me are “Reindeer” , one of which exhibits an unnaturally bright nose. That this creature is clearly a daemon is represent by the teachings of the older citizens to the young, who explain he consist of such powers of all seeing, and all knowing (in regards to moral well being), as well as the ability to cross large distance and achieve tasks without the specifics of time. They then further this by presenting gifts to the younger population and declaring it was the acts of this daemon, naturally preparing them to accept and place pride when unnatural gifts of chaos manifest when they get older (it should be noted that Cringlus 4 has placed great efforts in hiding its mutated chaos followers).

Ordo Malleus has yet to give any indication of this daemons name or nature, however the fact remains clear that we of the inquisition cannot wait. I have already requisitioned a large Imperial Guard force and it is waiting my orders to invade, as well as support from the Sisters of Battle, the Ecclesiarchy from nearby segments have also pledged their support in the form of Arco Flaggents and penitent engines. I request that the Order of the Grey Knights be informed and dispatched, in case ther daemon patron of this planet reveals its self, and they are most effective of combating such threats. It must also be noted that although a full scale cleansing is prepared, it is my personal belief that the heresy has gone to far and that Exterminus should be made available as a back up if this planet cannot be taken back into the emperors light.

With prayer and Regards

Inquisitor Xeal




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T'was the Night Before 9869986 M.41
And all through the bastion was clear, there was no abomination.

All the vehicles were safe secured in their sheds
The Guardsmen too did sleep quite content in their beds.

Marines in the barracks some manning the walls
Assured me the bastion never would fall.

When out in the courtyard arose such discord
I picked up my bolter and unsheathed my sword!

Out to the window I ran to take aim
As the Marines around me all did the same!

When what did my loyalist occular show?
But an ancient convoyance, knee deep in the snow.

It was being pulled by horned quadrupeds
And a fiery red nimbus glowed from the sled.

There its eyes glowed, red, full of scorn
Dressed all in crimson, like a servant of Khorne.

There I shouted, blessed without pause
That this must be the dreaded Santa Clause.

"Fire Boltguns! Fire Lasguns! Fire Ogryns and Ratlings!
Fire Missiles! Fire Cannons! Fire Mortars and Gatlings!"

"You men there in the tower, and you men there on the walls
Now blast away! Blast away! Blast away all!"

But all through this maelstrom the driver did flew
Past Bolt-shells, and Krak-shells, and Frag that we threw.

And then to my horror, I heard on the roof
The vile covorting of each decandent hoof.

Down the chimeny, he came with a boom
Our destruction, I feared, was to be soon.

I saw his eyes glow, his vast stomach gurgle
Bloated and fat like a daemon of Nurgle.

I ordered a charge that was to be swift
When it reached in its satchel, and pulled out a gift.

Then it tossed the vile boxes that fell at our feet!
(Our moral was strong! We did not retreat!)

But the Marines held pause, our charge was disrupted
They picked up the gifts and were quickly corrupted.

For each box contained a Chaotic present
The Marines (Damn their souls!) found them quite pleasent!

"A Bolter! A Flamer! A new Powerfist!"
The Clause gave to all, and he checked off his list.

But as for me, he failed in his goal
For I recieved but a small pile of coal.

But the bastion was lost, I could only instruct
The bastion computer to set self-destruct.

I saw him escape, as the base burst into light
crying "Merry Christmas to all! And to all a good night!"




Happy Holidays from all at Store 2020 here in Winterpeg!

[calvor]

Roflmao that was great the report is just classic good job stitch.

Happy holidays from New Zealand, where it is warm

[Templar Mikeel]

Haha, Demonic Patron. I might find myself singing that song instead of the original carol.

[Stubber]

Excellent...How did you come up with this stuff???

[Biadetic]

haha awesome happy xmas stitch

[Lord Commander Erus]

Originally Posted by Stubber

Excellent...How did you come up with this stuff???

It's Stich.. DO we really want to know?

[wolfpack]

Merry ho-ho-hodeemus...and to all a war filled and bloody night...

For the Emperor...CHARGE!!!!!

[experiment 626]

Originally Posted by Biadetic

haha awesome happy xmas stitch

it's not my work actually...

this was all devised by the zany lads from our retail store out in winterpeg manitoba. (note: 'winterpeg' is canuck slang for the city of 'winnipeg'! why? because on good day the temps are only -20!)

season's beatings to all!
cheers!

[wolfpack]

and to all a good fight...