Space Marine Humor brought together

[Spartan-11755]

- When your'e chaplain tells you to polish his amrour super shiny
- You use melted down Necrons to give it " that shiny glow" from da shiny boyz
- When your'e newset recruit complains he's tired
- When a commisinar ( sp?) is assinged to ure chapter as work experiece
- When you result to using kiddy's playdough as plastic explosive
- When you get given a Plasma gun
- When you are launched in a drop pod with orders to clense a planet, and you are the first down.
- When you run out of Emperor's names to forsake.
- When there's no more codex to ignore.
- When you suffer the harshest disipline imaginable... Not allowed attend one days bolter drill or prayer service. (won't someone please think of the children)
-When Brother Jones starts acting strangely...
-When you start sneezing on the wall, leaving three circles in a strange triangular pattern.
-When you're an assault marine without a jump pack... in a rhino...
-When dirt tastes better than the barracks food...

-When you realize thats not the sound of that promised rhino, but a large amount of chainaxes coming your way(... and you move just in time to dodge that smoking wheel as it come flying to the ground)
-When ure bolter malfucntions
-When your chaplain after abondaning him returns from battle coated in blood
-When he starts giving you a menacing look
-When you warn the rest of the men who are waiting for the loo they is about to be an attack by chaos so you can take a leak and realize the toilet.......is a crater :O
-when you return to your room in the fortress monistary and find an inquisitor rumaging through your underwear draw
-when the inquisitor senses heretics and his gase slowly turns to you
-When they give you the low velocity exploding rounds, instead of the high velocity armor peircing rounds you asked for...or vice versa.
-You lose your bolter and have to reinscribe the litanies of faith into a new one.
-When a resident Apothecary removes your geneseed before giving you the Emperor's Mercy.
-You turn on your powerfist while holding the Chapter Banner.
-You need to assault a tree-line and reach for your frags but realize that noone uses them.
-you scratch what used to be your arse but then you remember that your wearing a powerfist

-When you realized that the black armored marine behind you is NOT a Black Templar, and that those charging Dark Angels in front of you look rather ticked off. No... More like murderously enraged to the point of homicidal
-When you're stationed on an ice planet and only realise after five mugs of hot chocolate that your crotch plate is stuck
-When your autofiltration system fails to filter fluid before it brings it back up for you to drink
-When you realize that statue you've been poking with your chainsword is atually a sleeping Necron Lord... Who's just woke up and looks rather
-When you realise that your the Emperor is almost dead, your Primarch is dead, and that missile heading towards you means that you will be too in
-When you see three little red lights on your chest, and can see a Tau Skyray in the distance
-When you realise it wasn't Gene-seed the Apothocary just chopped off
-when you get your first puff and your like "whoa cant we all just be friends?" as you stick a daffodil into a khornate champion's boltpi
-When your jetbike runs out of fuel
-When your suit springs a leak
-When your battle barge really is.....a barge
-When Imperial Guard seem so small in compariosn to ureself
-When You find ureself treading on imperial guard
-When the game of peak a boo with a refugee turns into something a little more......explosive
-When the rules take no prisoners does no longer apply
-When you are hit by a lance strike
-When an exterminatus is called and you were left behind all because you needed a sprinkle
-When gas mask dont protect from virus bombs
-When your power sword really runs on wind

-When you find out that those Emporeres Children that you lent all your tanks aint on realy with the Emporer. ANd you hear the sound of a land raider start
-When your told your being attached to a Devastator squad, and you get stuck with a Plasma Cannon.
-when it looks like the next re-write of your codex is gonna SUCK
-When you've just rent the bed again.
-When (Blood Angels) you actually use your Bolter.
-When you find you're fighting nids...again.
-When that damn Necron keeps getting up.
-When a Tau fish boy messed up your armour's shine with his blood.
-When you get bored massacring traitors.
-When you find out that the thing on your neck has grown teeth and starts to talk while an Inquisitor is standing next to you.
-When you get misdropped into the middle of a tyranid hive, especially if your a scout
-when you wake up interrred in a Dread and realize it's not live...it's memorex

-When you realise all you grenades given to ur squad mysteriously have no pins
-when facing a tyranid hoard you reach for your trusty bolter, aim it carefully and fire, only to have a little stick pop out of the barrel and a small flag that says "BANG!" unroll
-When you find out in order to cut cost the imperium is changing there manufacturerers to ACME
-When your piloting a thunderhawk gunship, and forget to check the fuel l
-when you are put on landspeeder duty
-When your drop pod lands on the roof of a very tall building and you disembark to stare at the 'crotch' of a heretic Reaver titan...(it was a bad day to be in the Wolf
-When you paint your armour black and get excommunicated
When you're in a drop pod and the marine next to you is playing Boyzone to get "pumped"
-When the Techmarine keeps tutting at your armour
-When an Inquisitor asks for help "cleansing" a daemon world
-When Orks start aiming

-when you realize that the Space Marines arent all that the books make them out to be.
-When you step outa your rhino and into something that isn't dog ****
-When your on a hive world, and you wake up to see a rather large, not very friendly, mutated bunny
-having your Grey Knights brothers playing the Ghost Busters theme song as there battle field music
-When you see that the inside of the Rhino your riding in has fuzzy dice and crushed velvet headliner


There all condensed I feel better now.

[Rellik]

wow just wow

[Warmaster Romulas]

multi post that keep going and going
bad
spartan
bad

[Stubber]

Damn, I forgot how many of them there were.

Spartan...for your continuous multi-posting I am commanding you to stand in the corner and think about what you've done.

[DeAd_cOmMaNdO]

multiposting fixed

some of those are good fun toread through


anyone know about the black and white marine and the black and white bike?

[Lord Commander Erus]

Originally Posted by DeAd_cOmMaNdO

multiposting fixed

some of those are good fun toread through


anyone know about the black and white marine and the black and white bike?

No, and though I shouldn't, what about 'em?

[DeAd_cOmMaNdO]

thought you'd never ask...

There once was this Black and White Space Marine on a Black and White Bike, and being the hero-type person that he was, he wanted to marry the commander's daughter. So he went up to the palace, and the guard naturally inquired "Who goes there?"

To which the Black and White Space Marine replied: "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter."

"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"

"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."

"OK, pass."

So the Black and White Space Marine proceeded up to the commander's chamber.

"Who goes there?" asked the commander.

"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry your daughter" replied the Black and White Space Marine.

"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"

"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."

"OK, if you complete three tasks, you may take my daughter's hand in marriage" the commander told the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike. "Your first task is to slay the dragon on Xylon III".

On the Black and White Space Marine's way out, the guard once again asked, "Who goes there"?"

To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter."

"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"

"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."

"OK, pass."

The Black and White Space Marine then proceeded with ease to kill the dragon and six months later returned with the head of the foul beast. On his way into the palace the guard inquired "Who goes there?"

To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".

"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"

"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."

"OK, pass."

So the Black and White Space Marine proceeded up to the commander's chamber.

"Who goes there?" asked the commander.

"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry your daughter" replied the Black and White Space Marine.

"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"

"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."

"OK, if you complete three tasks, you may take my daughter's hand in marriage" the commander told the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike. "Your second task is to climb the highest peak on Desgrus Beta".

On his way out the guard once again asked, "Who goes there?"

To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".

"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"

"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."

"OK, pass."

The Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike easily climbed the mountain and returned 4 years later. On his way into the palace the guard inquired "Who goes there?"

To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter."

"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"

"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."

"OK, pass."

So the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike proceeded up to the commander's chamber.

"Who goes there?" asked the commander.

"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry your daughter" replied the Black and White Space Marine.

"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"

"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."

"OK, if you complete three tasks you may take my daughter's hand in marriage" the commander told the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike. "Your third and final task is to swim across the acid lake outside the palace."

On the Black and White Space Marine's way out the guard once again asked, "Who goes there?"

To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter."

"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"

"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."

"OK, pass."

Once again the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike easily completed his task and returned to the palace for the final time.

On his way into the palace the guard inquired "Who goes there?"

To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".

"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"

"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."

"OK, pass."

So the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike proceeded up to the commander's chamber.

"Who goes there?" asked the commander.

"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry your daughter" replied the Black and White Space Marine.

"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"

"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike. May I marry your daughter now?"

"OK."

[Stubber]

That was...ahem...pointless.

I demand you give me back the 2 minutes of my life you stole.

[DeAd_cOmMaNdO]

its a bit of an urban legend in most 40k forums. i couldnt deprive 40k terra of its heritage could i

[r4wr89]

quoted "-when it looks like the next re-write of your codex is gonna SUCK"

LOL. i can totally see that happening in TSOALR.


and haha dead commando, that really was pointless...how long did it take you to type that ? lol :] way to keep up 40k traditions though ! haha. good work, good work...

[DeAd_cOmMaNdO]

its just a copy and paste of a word doc i have stashed away!

[hairyyahoo]

Originally Posted by DeAd_cOmMaNdO

its just a copy and paste of a word doc i have stashed away!

die die die you son of a....why, why did you feel the need? there isn't a hot enough level of hell for that, for want of a better word, "joke" or for anyone who tells it. thats it! i'm learnin the art of hacking computers so that i can hack yours and kill that vile piece of *&@# once and for all. then i'm gonna crash your computer just for good measure! and i'm gonna enjoy every second of it!!!

[Lord Erak Grimnar]

Originally Posted by DeAd_cOmMaNdO

its a bit of an urban legend in most 40k forums. i couldnt deprive 40k terra of its heritage could i

you stuffed it up at the end his meant to say no not ok arghhhhhh

[DeAd_cOmMaNdO]

Originally Posted by hairyyahoo

die die die you son of a....why, why did you feel the need? there isn't a hot enough level of hell for that, for want of a better word, "joke" or for anyone who tells it. thats it! i'm learnin the art of hacking computers so that i can hack yours and kill that vile piece of *&@# once and for all. then i'm gonna crash your computer just for good measure! and i'm gonna enjoy every second of it!!!

ok id say now were even

[knight-of-nurgle]

that was werid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!