A bit of a story im writing

[Lord Erak Grimnar]

The door flung open by the force of the kick tearing the door of the hinges. The heavy boots charged in. Shouts from the rooms signalling they were clear. The little ping was all that was given as a warning; an explosion ripped apart the hallway sending splinters flying. A crash as a body fell to the ground with a thud blood flowing from the wounds, more shouts, and boots thumping back the way they came. Then all of a sudden a large tremor shook the ground an explosion ripping apart the wall like paper. Groans of the wounded. The men ran out jumping on to the street moments before the house crumbled away to a pile of dust. Standing there like a lumbering monster was the tank. The beast that had almost killed them .The men picked themselves up running as a shell flew past blowing apart the building opposite. Throwing rubble and dust into the street covering the men. The men were off running down the street being chased by the metal behemoth moving on its tracks.
They ran around the corner stopping in their tracks as they reached a dead end. The tank lumbered around the corner. The gun turning to face the men who had just narrowly escaped its devastation. There was a white hot flash an explosion ripped apart the very darkness of the night. The heat exploding around them .The men shielded their eyes as the flash and heat engulfed them. As the explosion cleared there was nothing left. Just lying there with its wounds in defeat as fire still burned inside it.
“Didn’t think I’d let ya die that easily did ya?” a shout from a balcony. His camouflaged fatigues and missile launcher gave him away as fellow marine.
“Nah more wondering if you could aim your dam weapon the right away and no blow us up instead.” Said one of the two marines standing in the alley.
“Bloody ha ha Nick.” The voice replied.
“You know I’m only joking Tim, I have no doubt you didn’t shoot yourself.”
“Oi you know that was an accident.”
“If you two girl scouts don’t mind I think we have a counter attack on our hands.” Said the Sergeant breaking the banter between the two marines.
“Err yer sure Sarge I’ll meet up with you guys.”
The door opened shortly after.
“Welcome to the wonderful palace of girl scouts may we take your order.” Tim said
“You can shut the hell up and join us to get back to HQ.” Replied Sarge
“Yer see that might be a bit of a problem” Replied Tim
“Why?” asked Sarge
“Well you see there are a few hundred ants between us and that little building called HQ.” Said Tim
“Well then we will just have to squash them or don’t you want to get your high heels dirty” replied the sergeant
************************************************** ********

“Davis, Trevor you go around back, McGullian and I will come in from the front; Go” whispered a voice in the dark. Shadows moved slowly and quietly as if they weren’t there. They crept into the house they heard the voices above. They moved slowly.
Griggs lifted up his silenced gun the enemies head in his sights. He took a shot. The bullet hit him dead centre in the head. He moved his gun to the left about to take his shot when an explosion ripped through the air. The man jumped to his feet. Slumping down to the ground with blood seeping out of the small circular wound on his forehead.
Doors flung open in the streets and shouts ran out through the village as men ran out armed to the teeth with ammunition. They ran towards the source of the noise oblivious of the small SAS team in one the buildings.

US and British forces have been given the order to move, after a small insurgent force invaded a checkpoint along the border of South Africa. Heavy fighting has broken out among the border with Zimbabwean forces sweeping over the land pushing back the border. Casualties have soured into the thousands, as all are killed before the uncaring tide sweeps the land. Retaliation by Allied forces has met heavy resistance from indoctrinated citizens.

[mcflurry]

it's very good. the dialogue seems a little clunky at times, but i like the setting. also avoid phrases like all of a sudden- they sound childish, which is why i used to use them +rep for you!

[Lord Erak Grimnar]

cheers for that. yer ive always had a problem with dialouge