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07-21-2008
| #1 (permalink) |
| Banned   Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: titusville florida
Posts: 1,857
Rep Power: 0  Thanks: 96
Thanked 69 Times in 54 Posts
Blog Entries: 1  |  unlelenting rain. (part two up!) this is to be the start of a "small chapter a week" book/story i will write. this is part one for week 1, added on 7/21/08 US eastren time. The air was heavy and humid, just as it had always been. The walls were still the same Spartan grey. The dome of the roof and its gilded painting of the emperor were still as awe inspiring as ever. As sister canoness Cassandra de’lemore looked out on the stark features of the city beyond from her place in the monastery, she wondered if her small order would ever see any change besides that of the seat of planetary governor. The order, or its formal title “the order of the unlelenting rain” was actually quite big, although most of the sisters did not have their own power armor because of the slow supply ships. Hopefully that would change in the next standard year, but Cassandra held little hope. Gazing downwards, the canoness saw the three rows of stone carvings that marked the burial yard of the sisterhoods fallen. The graveyard was fenced, each prong proudly bearing a fleur de Lys on its top. Two sisters stood guard at the gate to the yard, its silvered steel bearing the lily of mourning. Cassandra had been putting her mind to finding places in the courtyard that could be brightened with lilies when the rain squall filled with clouds of at least twenty shades of grey moved above the monastery and it started to pour. The burial gate guardians put on their helmets, the hermetically sealed locks forcing moisture gathered in the air inside the helmets out in a burst of vapor, and began to trudge through the rapidly worsening weather towards the main gatehouse, blue armor, blending in with the downpour. “Sister Maria!” hailed Cassandra, setting the channel of the vox stalk hooked to left ear. “Yes milady?” replied the young aid, her soft voice all but drowned in the storms background static. “Please tell the gate palatine sister Julia to send whatever fop of a runner the governor sent to me please.” Ordered Cassandra. With static still drowning the softer merits of her voice, Maria replied, “yes milady, but how did you know there was a messenger?” “Sister celestians Ariel and Jessica would only head towards the main gate if they were called to escort someone to the chapel-keep, and they just headed in that direction. Thus can one assume there is a runner at or approaching the gate.” Replied Cassandra, quickly adding, “Why do you ask?” “Just curious is all, would you like the escorts to check him for weapons before he enters the chapel-keep?” an excited tone in her voice cutting through the static. “Please relay that as an order, its best to be safe. Remember, faith in the emperor is our shield, but sometimes prayers come answered too late.” Said Cassandra. “Yes milady.” Replied Maria, then the channel abruptly cut off. Last edited by lord marcus; 07-28-2008 at 06:46 PM. |
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07-23-2008
| #2 (permalink) | |
| Corporal  Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Leicester, England
Posts: 445
Rep Power: 1 Thanks: 17
Thanked 24 Times in 15 Posts
Blog Entries: 13  | Re: unlelenting rain. (part one up) well looking good so far Marcus, i more of a wheres the bit where they beat the enemy in the face guy myself but ill wait. -Petey
__________________ "Drink Deep of Victory and Remember the Fallen" <--W/D/L--> <--24/6/9--> =]L[=  Quote:
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07-23-2008
| #3 (permalink) |
| Banned Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: titusville florida
Posts: 1,857
Rep Power: 0 Thanks: 96
Thanked 69 Times in 54 Posts
Blog Entries: 1 | Re: unlelenting rain. (part one up) trust me, its coming, just wait for the punch next round. even though its not next week i'm working on it! |
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07-28-2008
| #6 (permalink) |
| Banned Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: titusville florida
Posts: 1,857
Rep Power: 0 Thanks: 96
Thanked 69 Times in 54 Posts
Blog Entries: 1 | Re: unlelenting rain. (part one up) part two up Mikelus was afraid. Not of being in a monastery, of course a little repentance was probably in order for his past, but that wasn’t why he was afraid. He was afraid of the warriors who inhabited this place, and their armor. Mikelus had heard tales of mighty warrior women , clad in ancient armor, from the sooth-Sayers of his village. the village on the other side of the mountain. Although he had never seen them in the flesh, nor imagined how much they would dwarf his robust frame, minus the present sororitas. Mikelus had accepted this mission from the governor himself, fighting his way to the audience chamber to grab up his mission. Mikelus was supposed to bring a letter, that same letter that he held tightly in his left fist, to the canoness superior of the resident Adeptus Sororitas order on Sarrisan Prime. In return, he was to receive one hundred guilder credits for completion of this mission. Mikelus knew why he had fought like a mad man to get that letter, and he wasn’t going to let that reason slip away into darkness and doubt. Mikelus was a single man trying to provide for a family of five, a hard job for any hive worker, but Mikelus was no ordinary hive worker. He was a miner, one of the most dangerous professions in the hive, and yet it paid well, so the family could have ends meat. He needed these credits for food and possibly a better shelter, and he was damned if he was going to give up. The only thing making his resolve wilt was the warrior’s armor, gauntlets included. The armored gloves were not spiked, but looked like they held blessed brass knuckles, and for Mikelus that was his one fear. If Mikelus was hit in that one, singular spot, and his body purified, then he would be the laughing stock of the mine, and lose a pay grade. Not something he wanted to give up. Suddenly the group turned the corner, and double oak doors faced Mikelus head on. Stepping aside and opening the door, the sororitas ahead of him nodded. Gulping down his fear, Mikelus entered the light framed chamber. The woman in front of him was a vision of emperor given grace. Red hair shined in the sunlight, a striking contrast to the light green tabard she wore. The only thing; save a partially obscured belt, that she wore. As she moved towards him, her bosoms bounced lightly, revealing a curve of skin from the right corner of the tabard. Her hips were supple, lean wiry muscles taught under the skin of pure cream. The only, miniscule, imperfection that Mikelus could perceive was a glowing red bionic eye. “Milady” said Mikelus, doing his best to bow while simultaneously struggling with his own body's carnel urges and his thick, brown robe. “Messenger, the letter please.” Replied the woman. Straightening, Mikelus proffered the parchment scroll of the letter. “Here you are milady, will there be any return message?” asked Mikelus, careful not to show a hint of nervousness in front of this beauty, while failing to notice the gauntlets adorning her hands and forearms. “yes, tell the governor never again to send a greedy, craving male messenger such as yourself.” The canoness replied, a clicking sound heralding the activation of the blessed brass knuckles imbedded in the gauntlets. As his nether regions exploded into white hot pain, Mikelus wondered why he had taken the baited offer of only one hundred credits, then all was black. “Throw him to the street Maria, and bar entrance. Set a guard on the battlements and fetch the order’s banner, for it seems we have some chaos worshipping heretics to purge form the northern mountains.” Last edited by lord marcus; 08-02-2008 at 09:51 AM. |
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07-31-2008
| #9 (permalink) |
| Sergeant  Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Back in NYC
Posts: 524
Rep Power: 2 Thanks: 3
Thanked 36 Times in 28 Posts
| Re: unlelenting rain. (part two up!) Mikelus had heard tales of mighty warrior women clad in ancient armor from the sooth-Sayers of his village on the other side of the mountains when he had been a child, but he had never seen them in the flesh, nor imagined how much they would dwarf his robust frame, minus the present moments. - This is a really long sentence and I didn't like the way "minus the present momen" read The woman in front of him was a vision of Emperor given grace. - Do you want it to read as "vision of Emperor" or "vision of the Emperor"? The groin punching seemed uncalled for. You made the guy out to be a fine type of guy and you punched him in the groin and alluded to him losing a pay grade if he got punched. I really only felt bad for the guy and didn't really get why he was hit. I took his description of her as a story telling device you were using rather than him being lecherous in anyway. I think that is what you were going for anyway. I definitely can't complain about your style though. You do a pretty good job of creating a scene.
__________________ "Only the insane have strength enough to prosper, only those that prosper may truly judge what is sane." |
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08-02-2008
| #10 (permalink) | |
| Banned Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: titusville florida
Posts: 1,857
Rep Power: 0 Thanks: 96
Thanked 69 Times in 54 Posts
Blog Entries: 1 | Re: unlelenting rain. (part two up!) Quote:
thanks. 1. the groin punching was because he was oogling at her in her face 2. emperor should have an " 's " 3. i'll edit it. | |
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