Whatever you do, dont look up.

[Captain Slow]

Prologue: Whatever You do. Don’t look up.

Planet fall + 186

I’ve been on this sorry emperors arse of a plant for 186 days now. We had another Self-proclaimed “hero” come down and greet us in trench 86 yesterday; fat lot of good that did him let me tell you. They came, came in the early hours of day 185. We had just finished breakfast, thank god for that; I could have eaten a horse. If we had any that is. They silent and deadly, emperor only know’s what idiot thinks a 5 Man fire team in a trench could do against…Marines. Chaos space marines. By the emperor, I was chilled to the core by the mere sight of them, as tall as a Pre-Fab house, Fire Spitting from their weapons, and unholy marks of the dark gods carved on their armour.
It was a miracle we survived at all. But survive we did, by dint of wit and bravado alone. But at a cost. The “Hero” was cut down in the first ten seconds thank the emperor, but…we lots Biggs. He grabbed two strips of grenade belts, enough to last us a week, and pulled the pins of each strip and threw himself at the first marine who came into the trench. They both went up in a white flash, and somehow, the explosion cooked off the plasma gun of another Marine nearby, bringing Biggs’s score up to two. Not many can say they’ve killed two marines on their own. Not many people at all…. god bless you Biggs. There’s just four of us now, no chance we’ll be getting any Re-reinforcements any time soon, the albadinian 23rd army was cut off last week by an armoured battalion. May the emperor be with them all, and with us too.

Personal Log:
Lieutenant A Pliskin

PF Day + 188

Andus Pliskin was violently shaken into consciousness; Andus flayiled weakly, and then his mind snapped into focus and his eyes were wide open. He reached for his sidearm, and then he relaxed. He was soberly looking into the face of Corporal Jennings his second in command here at Trench 86.
“Sir? Sorry to wake you; but there’s a commissar here sir, and two MP’s, there asking for you.” Jennings removed his hand from Andus’s shoulder and took a step back. Jennings wasn’t a pretty sight, none of them were really; they all looked as if they needed a good shower and a good shave, but that’s how it went out here on the front, but Andus knew his squad was well overdue for rotation into the rear guard and that left only one conclusion, the top brass were either up to their usual tricks, or things were worse than they’d realised.
“I’ll be outside sir, running interface. I suggest you get a shave sir, your looking fairly rough…sir.” The Corporal turned and left room, closing the roughly fitting steel door behind him.
Andus dropped his legs over the side of the bunk and then through force of will alone sat up and rubbed the sleep out of face. The room was sparse and patches of rust collected in the corners of the room. A simple wooden box with a bowl of water on it resembled a make shift basin, something the Corporal had organised no doubt, Andus Made a Mental note to thank him later.
Andus Stood up and stretched. He scratched himself and walked over to the bowl scooping some water up into his hands and splashing it over his face. He didn’t like wasting this much water, they weren’t due for another supply drop for a few more days, and it was better to save it up so they’d have more for an emergency. But then again, commissars don’t just turn up on your doorstep every day. This must be something special.

Andus Walked out of his room and down the short corridor, the rust had spread to this part of the bunker too. Andus’s shadow was cast all over the floor by the blinking overhead light, it was broken, and had been ever since the albadinian strike force had finally ground to a halt here. It seemed ironic that they were defending what the enemy had defended almost a month ago.
Andus walked down the hall, passing the rest of the squad’s barracks on the way. This bunker had a birth of 25 men, now only 4 were occupying it. Plenty of room, Andus overheard Akerson ‘Joker’ Aler in the barracks snoring like a Grox as usual. He turned a corner and overheard the voices of several people, Andus instantly recognised the Corporals voice amongst them, deep but understated as usual. But there were others, two in particular that were raised. Almost certainly one of them was the commissar from the sound of things, and he heard his own name mentioned a few times. Andus sighed and walked through the half open door at the end of the corridor.
“Time to face the music” he said quietly.

“Now look corporal, I don’t care if your Lieutenant inst ready, we’re going to see him….” Sgt light hammer pulled his Hellgun close to his carapace armour and turned his un-helmeted head towards Andus. Light Hammers face was split from one side to the other by a wide scar that stretched from left to right, his face was stern and his voice was loud and imposing to match. He paused for a second, and then found the insignia on Andus’s arm. He stopped and stood ramrod straight. He saluted.
“Lieutenant. I am Sergeant Light-hammer, I’m accompanying” Light-hammer started to say, and was then stopped. The commissar who had been sheltering behind the loud sergeant walked forwards, placing a hand on the Sergeants shoulder. The commissar was wrapped up in a black leather storm coat and had his piqued cap tucked under his left arm. He smiled at Andus and stood A little in front of the sergeant.
“That’s enough sergeant, I’m sure the Lieutenant has got the general idea of things.” The Commissar held out his right hand
“I’m Commissar Rynard attached to the Albadinian 53rd as political officer, I heard you were a man down after the attacks on day 186. I’m hoping, the sergeant and myself could, give you a hand for the time being at Least. I’m surveying the trenches in this sector, and after the events of day 186….” Rynard Let the words hang.
“You think here is the best place to be.” Jennings finished.
Rynard Smiled, and opened half of his storm coat. He fished around inside for a few seconds and then pulled out a data pad.
“our official transfer, and one other thing.” Rynard taped a few controls on the pad and then passed it to Andus. Andus took it, and read the slate.
“New Recruit? I don’t understand, we haven’t put in for a transfer yet…and.” Andus, turned the pad off, and looked the commissar in the eye “if anything commissar, we’re well over due for being stood down and relived.”
Rynard’s smiled faded “straight to the point I see, well…I don’t blame you. But I’m afraid that’s not going to happen, the top brass have had information regarding a large build up of forces across the line. It’s going to get very messy before the weeks out.”
Andus sighed and looked downcast for a second, and then he straightened up, and held out his hand. “Well then commissar, I can’t really say no can I? Welcome to trench 86, I hope you enjoy your stay.”
Rynard Smiled. “Now your getting it Lieutenant, none of us have a choice in this.”

PF Day + 191

The Dugout was wet muddy and clod, as usual. It had been pouring down with rain the past 2 days over Trench 86. Andus and Sergeant Light hammer stood looking out into no-mans land, on watch together however they’d hardly spoken two words since the commissar and the Sergeant had got here, but from what Andus had gathered he was a fairly by the book man. Maybe he’d pissed off the wrong people up at command, because he could see it in his eyes. Light hammer despised the commissar, and the only thing that was keeping him from beating Commissar Rynard over the head at closest opportunity, was his sense of duty; as for Andus, the commissar had slipped into routine fairly well in the squad, and so far had proved nothing but an asset to them.
Andus stood down from the fire step and walked across the dugout, it was a simple thing, just earth piled up and supported by the occasional wooden or steel brace. It had obviously been prepared in a hurry, simply because of the stark contrast it was in terms with the bunker. Where the bunker was standard imperial prefab and made of solid plastcrete. The dugout was a quick sorry affair; when the Albadinian’s had moved in here a month ago now, it wasn’t much better.
Andus looked across at the slightly wonky steel door that separated the bunker from the dugout. One of its hinges had been blown off, laser burns dotted the outside of the door. No doubt the rebels here had defended it to the last.
The same thing that Andus and his squad were to do if it came to it.
Andus stopped in front of a simple wooden box that served as the dugouts Vox station. Andus picked up the receiver and keyed in the command frequency.
“This is Trench 86 to trench command.” Andus released the talk button on the handset and waited. A crackled voice broke through the quiet static.
“Tre…86…command….import….respond.” the voice was garbled and broken up by patches of static. Andus twisted a few knobs on the vox set and boosted the gain to maximum.
“Say again command, transmission is garbled over.” Andus let go of the talk button and the handset and again waited for a response.
“Trench 86. This is trench command. We have important information to transfer to you, hold, I’m putting you through to your regional commander.” Andus was confused, more than anything, this was just a routine check in. Nothing out of the ordinary. Andus looked back out over the lip of the dug out, nothing. Just fog and silence, and the occasional birdcall. A birdcall. Andus smiled, he hadn’t heard birds for a long time now. A good omen. Andus pushed those thoughts aside, maybe he was more Fatigued than he realised. Andus keyed the vox receiver.
“This is only a routine check in command. What’s going on?” Andus asked.
“Your CO will explain everything on a secure frequency. Command out.” Then the vox transmission fizzled for a few seconds.
Light hammer on the other side of the Dug out had been listening intently to the conversation. He turned towards Andus and shouldered his Hellgun.
“is something wrong Lieutenant?” Light hammer asked. If something was going to go down, it looked like the Sergeant wanted to know about it from the get go. Andus admired that, better to plan for when the **** hits the fan now, than wait for it to happen. Andus looked over his shoulder.
“I don’t know sergeant, but you better wake the men, and get the commissar on his feet. Something’s awry.” Andus asked, still holding the vox receiver.
Light hammer stood up and walked across the dugout, his feet occasionally squelching in the damp.
“Aye Lieutenant.” Light hammer opened the wonky bunker door, and walked though it, closing it shut behind him. Surprisingly, it actually shut properly this time. The vox crackled, and the static that had filled the dugout for the past few moment was broken.
“Lieutenant A Pliskin? Have I got that correct?” the vox crackled at Andus. He keyed the vox set again.
“Yes sir, Lieutenant Andus Pliskin here sir. What seems to the problem? Trench HQ sounded…. jumpy.” Andus asked hastily. The vox was silent save for a soft almost silent crackling, then the man on the other end of the vox sighed.
“I have bad news for you son. Intelligence indicates that there’s been a massive build-up of traitor forces over the last week, and your entire sector that trenches…50 through 100 are the weakest point in the line. And it looks as if they know that too. I would love to say I have some sort of good news for you…but id be lying. We had a transition through our astropaths yesterday. The nearest Relief fleet it 2 months away. Predictions give us….” There was some talking in the background, and a shout of ‘gives me that you idiot’ then the voice continued.
“Predictions give us…damn…half that time Lieutenant. However, if your section holds we live that extra month longer, and it gives us enough time for the fleet to get here. Are you understanding my train of thought here son?”
Andus was quiet for a few seconds, it was a lot to take in, a hell of a lot. All in all, this was sounding more and more like a last stand action. Now it was Andus’s turn to sigh. He keyed the receiver again.
“I understand sir… is there no chance of us getting any sort of reinforcements? Any at all.”
“I’m sorry son” the voice started. “Were stretched to breaking point as it is. That’s why you have to hold. Its do or die time son. For all of us. Sector command out. Good luck and my the emperor look over you.” Then the voice died, and the vox returned to static. Andus threw the receiver onto the box.
“Game over” he whispered.

PF Day + 191: 3 Hours Later

“Lets Haul ass people! Move Move Move!” Shouted corporal Jennings. He threw of bed sheets and dragged the men out of their cots.
“We’ve got long range contacts! Joker! Rise and shine sleepy.” Jennings ripped the cover off Joker, the squads’ medic, and poured half a canteen of cold water onto his face. Joker coughed and spluttered, but sat up and threw a few curses at Jennings.
“in your dreams pretty boy. Come on People! Leave anything non-essential. Come people! Get the hell out of bed! Judas, get on your spot, and bring your baby with you.” Judas Halerson the squads heavy weapons expert smiled, he’d been up all night testing and cleaning his ‘Baby’ a non-standard issue Heavy bolter that he’d modified for his own needs. He was as accurate as a sniper with it 100 yards. He grinned at the corporal and left the room. Joker and the new guy, dubbed ‘Greeny’ by Judas, stirred from his cot. It was their replacement for Biggs brought up along with the commissar and the sergeant. Jennings tipped mater over his face and yanked his cover off.
“Move your ass Greeny, wars not going to fight itself you know.” Greeny sat up suddenly and half fell, half stumbled onto the floor. Jennings grabbed him by his collar and yanked him up.
“Get up, you sack of dissadained rectum. Guns! Ammo! NOW!” he yelled into greenys ear.
Jennings was not trying to be harsh. It was just better to have them alert than half asleep at the fire step. That’s how accidents happened. That’s how people got killed.
Greeny stumbled across the floor, pulling on his clothes, and at the same time trying to grab his Lasgun and his webbing. Jennings sighed, and turned around walking towards the barracks door. Joker was up now, his clothes crumpled from sleeping in them, everyone save Greeny was sleeping in their clothes now, after the events of Day 185 everyone was on edge, and now this sudden news that they might be attacked at any time by forces that vastly outnumbered there own. Not a good omen, not a good omen at all.

Jennings Left the barrack and walked up the Hallway towards the exit of the bunker, the rust had gotten worse it seemed, it was creeping up the walls like some evil virus. He made a mental note to get Greeny to come with a flamer and burn it off; And to fix the light, it was still on the blink.
At the exit to the bunker stood Andus and Rynard talking about what to do.
“look Andus. We have our orders, we stand and fight, and let me tell you, id rather run knowing what’s coming this way.” Rynard said sadly.
Jennings stopped at the door. Maybe now wasn’t the best time.
“that’s something I could have done with earlier commissar. Look, I agree completely with everything but standing and fighting. It’s suicide. Were going to loose good men, and yes I know I’ve had my orders. But….” Andus paused.
“I understand. But, I will order you to stay. I am a commissar and from what you’ve said so far I could easily have you shot…but. I guess id have to be shot too. Look, we stay and fight as long as possible, then move down to trench 87 if it comes to that.”
Andus stopped. And looked at the door to the bunker.
“Jennings. What do you think about this.” Andus asked, Rynard, simply looked confused.
Jennings tensed, and then smiled. The lieutenant always had a sixth sense about certain things. He’d know the enemy were coming on day 185 before even Judas had seen them, and Judas had the sharpest eyes in the squad. Jennings opened the door and walked out into the dugout.
“We’ve had our orders sir. But…I’m with the commissar, if the **** hits the fan we fall back to trench 85 Captain Smyths platoon, 15 good men. Served with them a while back. Plus, they have plenty of heavy firepower, and my reports say they received fresh supplies if ammo only yesterday sir. If we do have to fall back, id rather be there than running with my back to the enemy sir.” Jennings replied, and stood on the spot, relaxed despite the urge to snap to attention in front of the commissar. Out of the corner of his eye, Jennings could see Light hammer staring out over No-mans land through a pair of mag-ocluars, despite looking over across no mans land he still managed to give the impression that he was stood to attention.
“Very well then” replied Andus “that’s the plan, if things get too thick we fall back to trench 85. Commissar I want you in the second dug out, I want nice overlapping fields of fire.” Andus turned and picked up a map from the vox station. “Take this too, you might need it to get to trench 85, if things go wrong.”
Rynard looked at the map confused.
“And what makes you think there coming so soon Andus, Light hammer would tell us, or command would.” Andus raised up his hand to stop Rynard.
“Trust me, I’ve got a gut feeling about this, and I don’t like it one bit.” Andus lowered his hand and unsoldered his Lasgun.
“Right then commissar, lets make this happen.”

PF Day + 191: 30 minutes later.

Andus lowered his mag-ocluars. He could see them now, he’d felt them coming, emperor only knows how, and he’d always had a gut feeling about certain things. And right now, he prayed to the emperor he was wrong.

“GET THAT GUN FIREING!” Yelled Jennings.
Judas happily complied, un-doing the safety of his ‘Baby’ and firing half a belt of mass reactive bolter rounds into the approaching enemy. Emperor only know what these abomination are, Jennings could see them, through the mist and the smoke of the gunfire. Hundreds of them, marching in close order, their faces covered by masks. No, not masks Jennings realised. He lowered his rifle for a second, skull’s he realised, skulls taken from some emperor-forsaken person. He swore an oath to the emperor and did the only thing he could do to stop himself from going mad. He fired his rifle.

Smoke, and blue flashes of light flashed in front of Andus. He ducked under the fire step for a second, changing the clips from his Lasgun. It was starting to overheat; he’d been freeing it that much. He felt the cold grip in his hands, and yanked the clip out of his rifle. It was scorching hot, he dropped it, and shook his hand, he’d burnt his fingers, twice in the last five minutes, once from muzzle burn, and now by touching his ammo clip. He swore loudly, and joker looked at him. Joker slid down from the fire step. And yelled at Andus over the din of the weapons fire.
“SIR! Are You Hurt!” he yelled.
Andus shook his head, and slammed a fresh clip home. He stood up to the firing step, he could almost smell them now. Death and decay, all of them. He sighted down the scope of his Lasgun. He saw their twisted and contorted faces, some of them missing their jaws other horribly disfigured by rigamortis. He shot the one without a jaw in what was left of its face. It crumpled to the ground its head gone. Andus stopped; there was no way his rifle could have done that. And Judas was in the other bunker. He had a niggling feeling that something…something was awry. He pulled himself away from his rifles scope, he looked across the battlefield. The…things, they were dropping, arms legs, heads, all blown off, some of them there one second, a red mist the second. Firepower, firepower not belonging to his command squad was scything into the enemy. But from where.
In his position in the dugout, he could see a little of the sky. And what he saw shocked him to the core. And yet at the same time, was the best thing he’d ever seen.
Gunship’s, more than he could count on two hands were dropping out of the sky, spitting death at these things trying to kill him and his men. Andus was frozen to the spot, not just by the Gunship’s, but also by the men. No. not men, Gods, standing in the hatches of the Gunship’s. Astartes, Astartes had come to their aid.
“By the Emperor!”
was all Andus could manage. Then, suddenly the fire was upon them. Andus turned and looked into the deathless face of one of his attackers. He swung his Lasgun round and emptied half a magazine into it. It crumpled onto the ground. Now was not the time for mindless gawking.
“FIX BAYONETS!” he yelled.
Andus dropped his Lasgun, and drew chainsowrd, and his bolt pistol. Joker and Greeny did the same, switching their weapons out for whatever they could manage. Joker pull out a short sword, emperor only knows where he’d got it from, but Greeny affixed his bayonet to the end of his rifle; and then stabbed it into a ghoul that was almost on top of him. Greeny emptied half a clip into the ghoul before it stopped moving and finally died.
Greeny pulled his bayonet out of the thing and fired his Lasgun at the nearest ghoul.
Andus raised his chainsowrd and brought it scything down a dozen times, each time however the ghoul that was killed was replaced by another. There was a cry of pain; Andus risked a glance between sword strokes. Jokes was overwhelmed there were just too many! Andus started to talk.
“Trench 86 re” he was abruptly cut off as the ghouls in front of him turned into red mist of exploded in gobbets of flesh. Andus raised his chainsowrd to shield his face. An Astartes was stood over him, and another 4 were behind the first, firing into the mass of ghouls that had assailed them. The Astartes turned, unclenching its power fist and dropping what appeared to be the remains of a ghoul onto the floor. The marine was un-helmeted and stood before Andus, a god of war made flesh, its mustard yellow armour, glinting in the dull sunlight. Andus would not have blamed himself for thinking he was already dead and had gone to join the emperor, if it wasn’t for the heavy gunfire that the Astartes guns pounded out.
“Guardsman. Get up, there is work still to be done this day.” The Astartes said to Andus. Andus was fixed to the spot, he was terrified, not a week ago, he fought traitor marines and now.
There was another standing right in front of him. He had that same sense of loathing then as he had now. But there was something else, he couldn’t quite put his finger on it, was it…respect?
“Sergeant Octavius” another marine called out
“The rhetoricus is hailing the spearhead sir.” The second marine came forwards, despite the gunfire that surrounded them, both marines acted as if it was nothing at all to them. Octavius looked down at Andus in the dugout.
“Well Met, you’ve done well to last this long. now if your coming guardsman, we have work to do.” Octavius turned and started to leave, his yellow armour making him stand out among the dreary drab surroundings of the dugout. Andus saw Greeny pull Joker out of the dugout. An Astartes pulled Greeny aside. He looked at joker, and then raised his bolter to joker’s head. He said something, a prayer of some sort, and then blew jokers head off.
Andus stood up suddenly finding his strength. “Sergeant, I have a name. Its lieutenant Andus Pliskin. Now explain what just happened” Andus said angrily, and pointed towards Greeny and jokers body.
Octavius turned, one eyebrow raised, as if stunned by this act of defiance. Then Octavius smiled. “You have bravery in you Pliskin, and I thought all guardsmen were spineless. Very well, your man was infected. You could not be allowed to live lest he spread this plague to the rest of you. Now, we have work to do.” Octavius turned away and walked off with the other Astartes.
Andus was left with Greeny stood on the mouth of their dugout, bodies pilled 10 deep and emperor only knows how many high. They’d come from the sky to save them, and then killed one his men. Andus turned and jumped back into the trench. He found his rifle among the debris and took jokers spare clips, he wouldn’t need them. He pulled himself, with greenys help, out of the dug out.
“Come on Greeny, it looks as if were going to have a busy day.” Andus and Greeny walked after the Astartes.


Ta Da, took me the better part of a day to write but im happy with the result, and this time theres plenty of descriptive language in there (I hope. >< ) anywaym thanks for takeing the time to read this, i know its fairly long. all in all, thanks for reading, and i hope you enjoyed it.

[Zeb[edee]]

All Edits are made in Red. Some simple corrections are just there in red others have comments.

Originally Posted by Captain Slow

Prologue: Whatever You do. Don’t look up.

Planet fall + 186Make this bit bigger

I’ve been on this sorry emperors arse of a plant for 186 days now. We had another Self-proclaimed “hero” come down and greet us in trench 86 yesterday; fat lot of good that did him let me tell you. They came, came in the early hours of day 185. We had just finished breakfast, thank god for that; I could have eaten a horse. If we had any that is. They silent and deadly, emperor only know’s what idiot thinks a 5 Man fire team in a trench could do against…Marines. Chaos space marines. By the emperor, I was chilled to the core by the mere sight of them, as tall as a Pre-Fab house, Fire Spitting from their weapons, and unholy marks of the dark gods carved on their armour.
It was a miracle we survived at all. But survive we did, by dint of wit and bravado alone. But at a cost. The “Hero” was cut down in the first ten seconds thank the emperor, but…we lots Biggs. He grabbed two strips of grenade belts, enough to last us a week, and pulled the pins of each strip and threw himself at the first marine who came into the trench. They both went up in a white flash, and somehow, the explosion cooked off the plasma gun of another Marine nearby, bringing Biggs’s score up to two. Not many can say they’ve killed two marines on their own. Not many people at all…. god bless you Biggs. There’s just four of us now, no chance we’ll be getting any Re-reinforcements any time soon, the albadinian 23rd army was cut off last week by an armoured battalion. May the emperor be with them all, and with us too.

Personal Log:
Lieutenant A Pliskin

PF Day + 188

Andus Pliskin was violently shaken into consciousness; Andus flailed weakly, and then his mind snapped into focus and his eyes were wide open.(this should read "and then his mind snapped into focus, his eyes were wide open". [Here you do not need the "and"])He reached for his sidearm, and then he relaxed. He was soberly looking into the face of Corporal Jennings his second in command here at Trench 86.
“Sir? Sorry to wake you; but there’s a commissar here sir, and two MP’s, there asking for you.” Jennings removed his hand from Andus’s shoulder and took a step back. Jennings wasn’t a pretty sight, none of them were really; they all looked as if they needed a good shower and a good shave, but that’s how it went out here on the front, but Andus knew his squad was well overdue for rotation into the rear guard and that left only one conclusion, the top brass were either up to their usual tricks, or things were worse than they’d(This should be "they had" I don't think they'd is grammatically correct and it just sounds tacky when in proper fiction) realised.
“I’ll be outside sir, running interface. I suggest you get a shave sir, your looking fairly rough…sir.” The Corporal turned and left room, closing the roughly fitting steel door behind him.
Andus dropped his legs over the side of the bunk and then through force of will alone sat up and rubbed the sleep out of face. The room was sparse and patches of rust collected in the corners of the room. A simple wooden box with a bowl of water on it resembled a make shift basin, something the Corporal had organised no doubt, Andus Made a Mental note to thank him later.
Andus Stood up and stretched. He scratched himself and walked over to the bowl scooping some water up into his hands and splashing it over his face. He didn’t like wasting this much water, they weren’t due for another supply drop for a few more days, and it was better to save it up so they’d have more for an emergency. But then again, commissars don’t just turn up on your doorstep every day. This must be something special.

Andus Walked out of his room and down the short corridor,( here use a ; if not a full stop.) the rust had spread to this part of the bunker too. Andus’s shadow was cast all over the floor by the blinking overhead light, it was broken, and had been ever since the albadinian strike force had finally ground to a halt here. It seemed ironic that they were defending what the enemy had defended almost a month ago.
Andus walked down the hall, passing the rest of the squad’s barracks on the way. This bunker had a birth of 25 men, now only 4 were occupying it. Plenty of room, Andus overheard Akerson ‘Joker’ Aler in the barracks snoring like a Grox as usual. He turned a corner and overheard the voices of several people, (Make this overheard several voices) Andus instantly recognised the Corporals voice amongst them, deep but understated as usual. But there were others, two in particular that were raised. Almost certainly one of them was the commissar from the sound of things, and he heard his own name mentioned a few times. Andus sighed and walked through the half open door at the end of the corridor.
“Time to face the music” he said quietly.

“Now look corporal, I don’t care if your Lieutenant isn't ready, we’re going to see him….” Sgt light hammer(If this is a name it shoul dbe Sgt. Light Hammer. If not, then it doesnt make much sense) pulled his Hellgun close to his carapace armour and turned his un-helmeted head towards Andus. Light Hammer's face was split from one side to the other by a wide scar that stretched from left to right, his face was stern and his voice was loud and imposing to match. He paused for a second, and then found the insignia on Andus’s arm. He stopped and stood ramrod straight. He saluted.
“Lieutenant. I am Sergeant Light-hammer, I’m accompanying(You need punctuation to finish the speech a "-" would do nicely)” Light-hammer started to say, and was then stopped. The commissar who had been sheltering behind the loud sergeant walked forwards, placing a hand on the Sergeants shoulder. The commissar was wrapped up in a black leather storm coat and had his piqued cap tucked under his left arm. He smiled at Andus and stood A little in front of the sergeant.
“That’s enough sergeant, I’m sure the Lieutenant has got the general idea of things.” The Commissar held out his right hand(God damn your punctuation!!!! You need a full stop)
“I’m Commissar Rynard attached to the Albadinian 53rd as political officer, I heard you were a man down after the attacks on day 186. I’m hoping, the sergeant and myself could, give you a hand for the time being at Least. I’m surveying the trenches in this sector, and after the events of day 186….” Rynard Let the words hang.
“You think here is the best place to be.” Jennings finished.
Rynard Smiled, and opened half of his storm coat. He fished around inside for a few seconds and then pulled out a data pad.
“(Capitals!!!!! This should be a "O")our official transfer, and one other thing.” Rynard taped a few controls on the pad and then passed it to Andus. Andus took it, and read the slate.
“New Recruit? I don’t understand, we haven’t put in for a transfer yet…and.” Andus, turned the pad off, and looked the commissar in the eye “if anything commissar, we’re well over due for being stood down and relieved.”
Rynard’s smiled faded “(Bloody capitals!!!)straight to the point I see, well…I don’t blame you. But I’m afraid that’s not going to happen, the top brass have had information regarding a large build up of forces across the line. It’s going to get very messy before the weeks out.”
Andus sighed and looked downcast for a second, and then he straightened up, and held out his hand. “Well then commissar, I can’t really say no can I? Welcome to trench 86, I hope you enjoy your stay.”
Rynard (GOD DAMN CAPITALS! This time the capital is not needed)Smiled. “Now your getting it Lieutenant, none of us have a choice in this.”

PF Day + 191

The (God f**king damn your capitals!)Dugout was wet muddy and clod, as usual. It had been pouring down with rain the past 2 days over Trench 86. Andus and (Keep this consistent. It has been switching between Sgt. and Sergeant. One or the other please)Sergeant Light hammer stood looking out into no-mans land, (New sentence)on watch together however they’d hardly spoken two words since the commissar and the Sergeant had got here, but from what Andus had gathered he was a fairly by the book man. Maybe he’d pissed off the wrong people up at command, because he could see it in his eyes. Light (CAPITALS!!! IT IS A NAME! CAPITALISE IT! Also you keep switching between hyphon and no hyphon)hammer despised the commissar, and the only thing that was keeping him from beating Commissar Rynard over the head at closest opportunity, was his sense of duty; as for Andus, the commissar had slipped into routine fairly well in the squad, and so far had proved nothing but an asset to them.
Andus stood down from the fire step and walked across the dugout, it was a simple thing, just earth piled up and supported by the occasional wooden or steel brace. It had obviously been prepared in a hurry, simply because of the stark contrast it was in terms with the bunker. Where the bunker was standard imperial prefab and made of solid plastcrete. The dugout was a quick sorry affair; when the Albadinian’s had moved in here a month ago now, it wasn’t much better.
Andus looked across at the slightly wonky steel door that separated the bunker from the dugout. One of its hinges had been blown off, laser burns dotted the outside of the door. No doubt the rebels here had defended it to the last.
The same thing that Andus and his squad were to do if it came to it.
Andus stopped in front of a simple wooden box that served as the dugouts (Does Vox need a capital? I do no think so. Don't make me yell!)Vox station. Andus picked up the receiver and keyed in the command frequency.
“This is Trench 86 to trench command.” Andus released the talk button on the handset and waited. A crackled voice broke through the quiet static.
“Tre…86…command….import….respond.” the voice was garbled and broken up by patches of static. Andus twisted a few knobs on the vox set and boosted the gain to maximum.
“Say again command, transmission is garbled over.” Andus let go of the talk button and the handset and again waited for a response.
“Trench 86. This is trench command. We have important information to transfer to you, hold, I’m putting you through to your regional commander.” Andus was confused, more than anything, this was just a routine check in. Nothing out of the ordinary. Andus looked back out over the lip of the dug out, nothing. Just fog and silence, and the occasional birdcall. A birdcall. Andus smiled, he hadn’t heard birds for a long time now. A good omen. Andus pushed those thoughts aside, maybe he was more (More god damned capitals!!!)Fatigued than he realised. Andus keyed the vox receiver.
“This is only a routine check in command. What’s going on?” Andus asked.
“Your CO will explain everything on a secure frequency. Command out.” Then the vox transmission fizzled for a few seconds.
Light(Again, capitalise names!!!) hammer on the other side of the (Dug out does not need a capital. Also it has been spelt dugout before. I am not sure of the correct spelling but keep it consistent!!!)Dug out had been listening intently to the conversation. He turned towards Andus and shouldered his Hellgun.
“(Capitals)is something wrong Lieutenant?” Light hammer asked. If something was going to go down, it looked like the Sergeant wanted to know about it from the get go. Andus admired that, better to plan for when the **** hits the fan now, than to (This still doesn't flow very well when I read it. Get a second opinion) wait for it to happen. Andus looked over his shoulder.
“I don’t know sergeant, but you better wake the men, and get the commissar on his feet. Something’s awry.” Andus asked, still holding the vox receiver.
Light hammer stood up and walked across the dugout, his feet occasionally squelching in the damp.
“Aye Lieutenant.” Light hammer opened the wonky bunker door, and walked though it, closing it shut behind him. Surprisingly, it actually shut properly this time. The vox crackled, and the static that had filled the dugout for the past few moment was broken.
“Lieutenant A(here the "A" should be followed by a full stop to signalise an abbreviation. Otherwise it doesn't make sense) Pliskin? Have I got that correct?” the vox crackled at Andus. He keyed the vox set again.
“Yes sir, Lieutenant Andus Pliskin here sir. What seems to the problem? Trench HQ sounded…. jumpy.” Andus asked hastily. The vox was silent save for a soft almost silent crackling, then the man on the other end of the vox sighed.
“I have bad news for you son. Intelligence indicates that there’s been a massive build-up of traitor forces over the last week, and your entire sector This doesnt read well. I think it should be "and your entire sector, thats trenches... 50 through 100,")that trenches…50 through 100 are the weakest point in the line. And it looks as if they know that too. I would love to say I have some sort of good news for you…but i'd be lying. We had a transitionThis should be transmision) through our astropaths yesterday. The nearest Relief fleet it 2 months away. Predictions give us….” There was some talking in the background, and a shout of ‘gives me that you idiot’ then the voice continued.
“Predictions give us…damn…half that time Lieutenant. However, if your section holds we live that extra month longer, and it gives us enough time for the fleet to get here. Are you understanding my train of thought here son?”
Andus was quiet for a few seconds, it was a lot to take in, a hell of a lot. All in all, this was sounding more and more like a last stand action. Now it was Andus’s turn to sigh. He keyed the receiver again.
“I understand sir… is there no chance of us getting any sort of reinforcements? Any at all.”
“I’m sorry son” the voice started. “Were stretched to breaking point as it is. That’s why you have to hold. Its do or die time son. For all of us. Sector command out. Good luck and may the emperor look over you.” Then the voice died, and the vox returned to static. Andus threw the receiver onto the box.
“Game over” he whispered.

PF Day + 191: 3 Hours Later

“Lets (Sweet merciful crap is there no end to unneccessary capitalisations?)Haul ass people! (Again! FFS!)Move Move Move!” Shouted corporal Jennings. He threw off the bed sheets and dragged the men out of their cots.
“We’ve got long range contacts! Joker! Rise and shine sleepy.” Jennings ripped the cover off Joker, the squads’ medic, and poured half a canteen of cold water onto his face. Joker coughed and spluttered, but sat up and threw a few curses at Jennings.
“(Fed up of your capitals and non capitals now...)In your dreams pretty boy. Come on (*Screams*)People! Leave anything non-essential. Come people! Get the hell out of bed! Judas, get on your spot, and bring your baby with you.” Judas Halerson the squads heavy weapons expert smiled, he’d been up all night testing and cleaning his ‘Baby’ a non-standard issue Heavy bolter that he’d modified for his own needs. He was as accurate as a sniper with it 100 yards. He grinned at the corporal and left the room. Joker and the new guy, dubbed ‘Greeny’ by Judas, stirred from his cot. It was their replacement for Biggs brought up along with the commissar and the sergeant. Jennings tipped (This is meant to be water right?)mater over his face and yanked his cover off.
“Move your ass Greeny, wars not going to fight itself you know.” Greeny sat up suddenly and half fell, half stumbled onto the floor. Jennings grabbed him by his collar and yanked him up.
“Get up, you sack of dissadained(not heard this word before, Is it real? I assume so.) rectum. Guns! Ammo! NOW!” he yelled into (Capital)greenys ear.
Jennings was not trying to be harsh. It was just better to have them alert than half asleep at the fire step. That’s how accidents happened. That’s how people got killed.
Greeny stumbled across the floor, pulling on his clothes, and at the same time trying to grab his Lasgun and his webbing. Jennings sighed, and turned around walking towards the barracks door. Joker was up now, his clothes crumpled from sleeping in them, everyone save Greeny was sleeping in their clothes now, after the events of (Capital)Day 185 everyone was on edge, and now this sudden news that they might be attacked at any time by forces that vastly outnumbered there own. Not a good omen, not a good omen at all.

Jennings Left the barrack and walked up the Hallway towards the exit of the bunker, the rust had gotten worse it seemed, it was creeping up the walls like some evil virus. He made a mental note to get Greeny to come with a flamer and burn it off; And to fix the light, it was still on the blink.
At the exit to the bunker stood Andus and Rynard talking about what to do.
“look Andus. We have our orders, we stand and fight, and let me tell you, i'd rather run knowing what’s coming this way.” Rynard said sadly.
Jennings stopped at the door. Maybe now wasn’t the best time.
“(Capital)that’s something I could have done with earlier (Capital)commissar. Look, I agree completely with everything but standing and fighting. It’s suicide. We're going to loose good men, and yes I know I’ve had my orders. But….” Andus paused.
“I understand. But, I will order you to stay. I am a commissar and from what you’ve said so far I could easily have you shot…but. I guess I'd have to be shot too. Look, we stay and fight as long as possible, then move down to trench 87 if it comes to that.”
Andus stopped. And looked at the door to the bunker.
“Jennings. What do you think about this.” Andus asked, Rynard, simply looked confused.
Jennings tensed, and then smiled. The lieutenant always had a sixth sense about certain things. He’d known the enemy were coming on day 185 before even Judas had seen them, and Judas had the sharpest eyes in the squad. Jennings opened the door and walked out into the dugout.
“We’ve had our orders sir. But…I’m with the commissar, if the **** hits the fan we fall back to trench 85 Captain Smyths platoon, 15 good men. Served with them a while back. Plus, they have plenty of heavy firepower, and my reports say they received fresh supplies of ammo only yesterday sir. If we do have to fall back, I'd rather be there than running with my back to the enemy sir.” Jennings replied, and stood on the spot, relaxed despite the urge to snap to attention in front of the commissar. Out of the corner of his eye, Jennings could see (Again, watch the name)Light hammer staring out over (Capital)No-mans land through a pair of mag-ocluars, despite looking over across no mans land he still managed to give the impression that he was stood to attention.
“Very well then” replied Andus “(Capital)that’s the plan, if things get too thick we fall back to trench 85. Commissar I want you in the second dug out, I want nice overlapping fields of fire.” Andus turned and picked up a map from the vox station. “Take this too, you might need it to get to trench 85, if things go wrong.”(Unneccessary break here)
Rynard looked at the map confused.
“And what makes you think there coming so soon Andus, Light hammer would tell us, or command would.” Andus raised up his hand to stop Rynard.
“Trust me, I’ve got a gut feeling about this, and I don’t like it one bit.” Andus lowered his hand and (Unshouldered or Unholstered?)unsoldered his Lasgun.
“Right then commissar, lets make this happen.”

PF Day + 191: 30 minutes later.

Andus lowered his mag-ocluars. He could see them now, he’d felt them coming, emperor only knows how, and he’d always had a gut feeling about certain things. And right now, he prayed to the emperor he was wrong.

“GET THAT GUN FIR(No need for the E)ING!” Yelled Jennings.
Judas happily complied, un-doing the safety of his ‘Baby’ and firing half a belt of mass reactive bolter rounds into the approaching enemy. Emperor only know what these abomination are, Jennings could see them, through the mist and the smoke of the gunfire. Hundreds of them, marching in close order, their faces covered by masks. No, not masks Jennings realised. He lowered his rifle for a second, skull’s he realised, skulls taken from some emperor-forsaken person. He swore an oath to the emperor and did the only thing he could do to stop himself from going mad. He fired his rifle.

Smoke, and blue flashes of light flashed in front of Andus. He ducked under the fire step for a second, changing the clips from his Lasgun. It was starting to overheat; he’d been freeing it that much. He felt the cold grip in his hands, and yanked the clip out of his rifle. It was scorching hot, he dropped it, and shook his hand, he’d burnt his fingers, twice in the last five minutes, once from muzzle burn, and now by touching his ammo clip. He swore loudly, and (Capital)joker looked at him. Joker slid down from the fire step. And yelled at Andus over the din of the weapons fire.
“SIR! Are You Hurt!” he yelled.
Andus shook his head, and slammed a fresh clip home. He stood up to the firing step, he could almost smell them now. Death and decay, all of them. He sighted down the scope of his Lasgun. He saw their twisted and contorted faces, some of them missing their jaws other horribly disfigured by rigamortis. He shot the one without a jaw in what was left of its face. It crumpled to the ground its head gone. Andus stopped; there was no way his rifle could have done that. And Judas was in the other bunker. He had a niggling feeling that something…something was awry. He pulled himself away from his rifles scope, he looked across the battlefield. The…things, they were dropping, arms legs, heads, all blown off, some of them there one second, a red mist the second. Firepower, firepower not belonging to his command squad was scything into the enemy. But from where.
In his position in the dugout, he could see a little of the sky. And what he saw shocked him to the core. And yet at the same time, was the best thing he’d ever seen.
Gunship’s, more than he could count on two hands were dropping out of the sky, spitting death at these things trying to kill him and his men. Andus was frozen to the spot, not just by the Gunship’s, but also by the men. No. not men, Gods, standing in the hatches of the Gunship’s. Astartes, Astartes had come to their aid.
“By the Emperor!”
(Capital)was all Andus could manage. Then, suddenly the fire was upon them. Andus turned and looked into the deathless face of one of his attackers. He swung his Lasgun round and emptied half a magazine into it. It crumpled onto the ground. Now was not the time for mindless gawking.
“FIX BAYONETS!” he yelled.
Andus dropped his Lasgun, and drew chainsword, and his bolt pistol. Joker and Greeny did the same, switching their weapons out for whatever they could manage. Joker pull out a short sword, emperor only knows where he’d got it from, but Greeny affixed his bayonet to the end of his rifle; and then stabbed it into a ghoul that was almost on top of him. Greeny emptied half a clip into the ghoul before it stopped moving and finally died.
Greeny pulled his bayonet out of the thing and fired his Lasgun at the nearest ghoul.
Andus raised his chainsowrd and brought it scything down a dozen times, each time however the ghoul that was killed was replaced by another. There was a cry of pain; Andus risked a glance between sword strokes. (Spelling)Jokes was overwhelmed there were just too many! Andus started to talk.
“Trench 86 re(Punctuation needed to end speech)” he was abruptly cut off as the ghouls in front of him turned into red mist of exploded in gobbets of flesh. Andus raised his chainsowrd to shield his face. An Astartes was stood over him, and another 4 were behind the first, firing into the mass of ghouls that had assailed them. The Astartes turned, unclenching its power fist and dropping what appeared to be the remains of a ghoul onto the floor. The marine was un-helmeted and stood before Andus, a god of war made flesh, its mustard yellow armour, glinting in the dull sunlight. Andus would not have blamed himself for thinking he was already dead and had gone to join the emperor, if it wasn’t for the heavy gunfire that the Astartes guns pounded out.
“Guardsman. Get up, there is work still to be done this day.” The Astartes said to Andus. Andus was fixed to the spot, he was terrified, not a week ago, he fought traitor marines and now.
There was another standing right in front of him. He had that same sense of loathing then as he had now. But there was something else, he couldn’t quite put his finger on it, was it…respect?
“Sergeant Octavius” another marine called out
“The (Capital)rhetoricus is hailing the spearhead sir.” The second marine came forwards, despite the gunfire that surrounded them, both marines acted as if it was nothing at all to them. Octavius looked down at Andus in the dugout.
“Well Met, you’ve done well to last this long. (Capital)now if your coming guardsman, we have work to do.” Octavius turned and started to leave, his yellow armour making him stand out among the dreary drab surroundings of the dugout. Andus saw Greeny pull Joker out of the dugout. An Astartes pulled Greeny aside. He looked at (Capital)joker, and then raised his bolter to (Capital)joker’s head. He said something, a prayer of some sort, and then blew (Capital)jokers head off.
Andus stood up suddenly finding his strength. “Sergeant, I have a name. Its lieutenant Andus Pliskin. Now explain what just happened” Andus said angrily, and pointed towards Greeny and jokers body.
Octavius turned, one eyebrow raised, as if stunned by this act of defiance. Then Octavius smiled. “You have bravery in you Pliskin, and I thought all guardsmen were spineless. Very well, your man was infected. You could not be allowed to live lest he spread this plague to the rest of you. Now, we have work to do.” Octavius turned away and walked off with the other Astartes.
Andus was left with Greeny stood on the mouth of their dugout, bodies pilled 10 deep and emperor only knows how many high. They’d come from the sky to save them, and then killed one his men. Andus turned and jumped back into the trench. He found his rifle among the debris and took (Capital)jokers spare clips, he wouldn’t need them. He pulled himself, with (Capital)greenys help, out of the dug out.
“Come on Greeny, it looks as if were going to have a busy day.” Andus and Greeny walked after the Astartes.


Ta Da, took me the better part of a day to write but im happy with the result, and this time theres plenty of descriptive language in there (I hope. >< ) anywaym thanks for takeing the time to read this, (Capital)i know its fairly long. all in all, thanks for reading, and i hope you enjoyed it.

Ok I am finally finished checking it through! It took the better part of an hour and much screaming CAPITALS! Still I can find no flaw with the story (apart from the lack of red corsairs =P Joking lol) Just many, many grammatical errors. If that is the fluff for your army. I can't wait to see the actual army and I hope as much thought goes into their creation.

[lord marcus]

i'd like to let you know that numbers should be spelt out rather than being numerical (exe 3 should be three) in literature, please remember this and edit the first part.

[thebarnet]

dave cool bit of back ground

[Petey1016]

Zeb you were harsh -5 manpoints, Barnet record that plz.
Overall good. VERY NICE as Borat says.

[Davidus]

Although there were the odd mistakes with grammar and spelling which Zeb pointed out. I found it to be an enjoyable read, cant wait for what else is in the works

[Petey1016]

I would love to see Dave show some pics of MODELS really.

[thebarnet]

Originally Posted by Petey1016

Zeb you were harsh -5 manpoints, Barnet record that plz.

it's been recorded

[Captain Slow]

People! (and certain beret wearing wookies) i have reasons as to why no more modles have been show in my WIP. LACK OF PAINT!! T_T i bought the wrong stuff, and the earlyest i can get back to GW to get the correct stuff if wensday.

however as for the story, yes i know its not correct. but at the end of the day i wrote this as a short story...which evolved into its own 8 page roamp across a planet somehwere. as for the future...i really enjoyed writeing about Andus, Jennings, LightHammer (hows its meant to be written. DAMN YOU WORD AND YOUR AMERICANISED SYSTEM!) Rynard and the rest. i hope ill revist them sometime this weekend comeing, tho i doubt it, as with any luck I'll (finally) be painting my fists.
tho, if no works get done on them, i plan to write some more fluff of some description to bide you all over.

[Zeb[edee]]

Pete, I was being very critical because Dave asked for his honest opinion. It is a fantastic read and there is no bloody way a flaw in the story. Just lots of crappy americanised words because Microsoft sucks. And capitalisations =P

[lord marcus]

can we read more?

[Petey1016]

Zeb, thats why i criticised your reply. Microsoft Word sucks so spelling errors and grammatical mistakes are to be expected and as dave was just typing this up quickly i thought that your response although honest was harsh.

[Captain Slow]

Originally Posted by Zeb[edee]

Just lots of crappy americanised words because Microsoft sucks. And capitalisations =P

Very ture. PLUS, i do use caps alot, its just my typeing style i suppose, same as typeing errors ><
those caps did piss you off royaly didnt they. ^ ^

@Lord Marcus
As for the future
I honestly dont know, with any luck ill be painting my brains out this weekend, but id like to find time to continue this, tho maybe not anouther 8 pages >< but who knows, maybe THIS will become my imperial fists ture background, maybe it will become something more? who knows, only time will tell.

and zeb, ur not getting those man points bk.